


Heaven.

by hyunsikness



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drunkenness, Fallen Angels, Heaven, Heaven & Hell, M/M, Pain, Smoking, Wings, donghun is so lonely please help him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunsikness/pseuds/hyunsikness
Summary: Junhee wants to go back to heaven and Donghun is tired of it.





	1. Lost boy

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly didn't know if i should publish this cause i'm not that proud but uhhhh idk why not. having it in my computer and not sharing it feels wrong somehow fñkfjh so... yeah. i don't even know if i'll ever continue but like.... if you enjoy it please let me know

Junhee felt dizzy for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity. Then he felt something under his bare feet, raspy, cold. Then several sounds started filling his ears. He felt anxious and lost for a second, and led one of his hands towards his chest, touching it shakily. The touch of the soft fabric welcomed his fingers. It was there, he was there.  
The pressure on his chest and the unbearable pain on his back confirmed that he wasn’t dreaming. He was on planet earth, in the human world. He wasn’t in heaven anymore.

He looked down.

No shoes.

He looked up to the sky, an unconscious frown covering his forehead with small wrinkles. His features softened and he crossed himself.

_Guess that’s my penance, huh?_

“I have to pay for it even if I’m not guilty, right?” He said, running his fingers through his hair, the sounds of the city becoming more and more present every second, reaffirming that he was indeed, between mortals. He sighed unconsciously.

 _It’s okay, I’ll do it,_ he thought as he felt the coldness of the ground under his feet. _It’s not as if I had many options anyways._

He had been loyal to Him his whole life, since the very moment he was created, he had built a reputation. He didn’t have a single scrap of malice or impurity in him. Yet God didn’t even flinch when he decided to exile him from heaven.

Of course not. The bad are bad after all. No matter how small their bad actions could seem at first, the sole fact that they had done something bad was enough to prove they were already corrupted. But Junhee knew what happened to the majority of angels that ended up being exiled. They became even worse.

Humans may have a good side, but they’re not perfect, and being surrounded by them made you sin sooner or later. Angels themselves were created to be loyal and pure, but not even them could win against corruption. It happened a lot. Junhee had seen it happen several times. Some of his friends eventually had to leave under the smallest error. But those errors became bigger and bigger until they consumed them.

Junhee started walking on his feet, slowly, clumsily at first. The raspy texture of the ground and the feeling of the strong cold soaking through his thin clothes made him feel unprotected. He, then, felt the loneliness. It was such a new feeling for him, he felt devastated. Of course, God had not only given him human appearance, he had also given him human feelings. And those feelings would just become stronger and more constant as time passed. At some point he would lose his nature, he wouldn’t be an angel anymore.

He would become human.

However you looked at it, that was a curse. He felt so exposed, he could feel the pressure on his chest becoming worse and worse with every step he took. He could feel dozens of eyes looking at him with curiosity, but not too much, just enough to look away a few seconds later before continuing with their lives as if they hadn’t seen anything. He wrapped himself with his own arms and rubbed his hands against his arms. His lips started to get dry, and his anxious biting was not helping. He felt the new, metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Having to take care of an actual physical body was something he had never had to do before.

Controlling it was difficult itself, but he would have to get used to it. There was no other choice.

He heard a strong thunder, the sky was slowly clouding over and the wind was blowing with strength and coldness. Junhee then decided to shelter from the cold walking into a very narrow alley. He was shivering. He felt his clothes, slowly touching every inch of fabric, in search of something, anything He could have lent him as a way of showing his mercy. He found something in his pocket, so he took it out. Just some cash. Junhee wasn’t fully aware of how all that worked, but he was sure it was not much, probably not enough to afford anything at that point.

Just then Junhee started hearing very strong, rushed footsteps getting closer behind him, but he had no time to react. He heard the other person’s panting and felt the shove, who made him fall on his face. The coins in his hand flew at every possible direction as the footsteps started then moving away.

He let out a soft, sore moan as he stood up carefully. The pain on his bare knees and hands was prominent and the cold wind didn’t help a small bit. He bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to continue walking, not really knowing what he was looking for, nor what he’d do next. Meanwhile that pain on his back was still killing him, so he tried to massage it a little bit, gently, afraid too much pressure would just make it worse.

At some point it became so unbearable he had to stop walking and leaned his shoulder on the wall of the most proximate building. It burnt, it was as if he had two holes on his back. Maybe he had. He squeezed his eyes closed and tightened his jaw, then breathed deeply in an attempt to calm the pain. He wanted to scream so badly. He was feeling dizzy again, so he closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

He then felt the fresh raindrops falling over his hair, his nose, his eyelids.

_I can’t give up now… This is just my penance, then everything will start getting better… Right?_

His body was shivering aggressively. He looked in every direction, looking for a place where he could hide from the cold, at least for a few minutes.

His whole body felt numb.

_Right?_

He continued walking in total despair until he caught eye of a shop that seemed open. He noticed a sweet smell, mixed with a strong coffee scent that invaded his nostrils. He didn’t know what that was, but his stomach started making sounds. Several people continuously went in and out. He waited for a bit, hesitant, and decided to enter behind a man that firmly opened the door. Luckily for him, the place was full, dozens of people in front of the counter waiting for their orders impatiently. Junhee decided to stay in a corner, his hand on his shoulder trying to make the pain disappear and his eyes unconsciously looking outside, to the new, big world that was now in front of him.

It was scary, but for some reason, he couldn’t help but feel curious about the vast world his eyes were witnessing. But he was cold, drenched, his knees were bruised and his back burnt. He had a glance on the place, his eyes skimming every person in there, until he exchanged glances with one of them. A young man waiting in the queue. Junhee immediately looked away. He hadn’t seen himself, but he was sure his external appearance stood out at that moment, and he didn’t want any of the attention.

But the young man didn’t stop looking at him. He felt his eyes meticulously studying him, every inch of his skin. The lost boy got scared but stayed still. He knew what humans were capable of but he really didn’t want to go outside again. At some point, the stranger got out of the queue and approached him, and Junhee pretended he hadn’t seen him. But he couldn’t act anymore when he felt the warmth of a gentle touch on his shoulder, over his soaked shirt. The man looked at him, his eyes were the saddest ones Junhee had ever seen. He was only wearing black, and the cap on his head gave him an even more mysterious aura.

Junhee’s heart started beating really fast, he thought of running away, but he was completely trapped and he doubted his legs would obey him.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” The man stated. “For real.”

And for some reason, Junhee found his voice relaxing and comforting.

“You’re an angel, right?” And he could feel the sad eyes exuding pity.

That caught him so out of guard, Junhee found it difficult to speak. Until that moment, he hadn’t said a single word out loud.

“W-What?” And he felt stupid for how fragile and insecure he sounded in comparison with the young man in front of him.

“A fallen one.”

Junhee wanted to cry. That was right, he was a fallen one.

“How do you know that?”

There was a short silence, and Junhee held his breath.

“Your back must hurt a lot.”

He stayed silent for a bit, then looked at him in the eyes and gasped.

“It burns.” He muttered, holding into his own clothes.

The young man looked lost for a short moment, and Junhee saw his frown.

“Come with me.” He said, and he felt the gentle touch of his hand under his own, softly grasping it with a couple of fingers.

“I don’t know you.”

“I can help you, but only if you let me.” Junhee looked at the floor. “Do you have any better options?”

“I don’t think I have.”

“I won’t hurt you, I can assure you that. You look like absolute shit already.”

“Wh-.”

“Are you coming with me or not?” His sudden change of tone was enough to make the other want to cry, but he held in his tears.

Junhee remained silent for a bit. He looked at the stranger in the eyes, and immediately thought he shouldn’t have. Could one’s eyes lie? He certainly didn’t know.  
He nodded and the stranger took his lower arm in a tender grip.

“Let’s go then.”

Again, he took his time to answer as he looked outside.

“Weren’t you waiting for something?” He muttered, his lips were getting purple.

“My coffee can wait.” He said looking at him as they both got out of the shop. “Can you walk?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“My feet hurt a bit, but it’s okay.” The stranger looked at him. “It’s part of my penance.”

The stranger clicked his tongue and bended down, one of his knees on the floor.

“What are you doing?”

“I know it doesn’t hurt just a bit.”

“But-.”

“Come on, my house is near here.” His voice sounded strangely soft and calm. It felt warm and welcoming.

Junhee hesitated, but climbed on his back, his arms on the stranger’s shoulders.

“You’re lighter than you look.” He said. Junhee looked at him from behind and leaned is head on his shoulder, half relieved, half curious.

_He’s warm._

“It’s quite ironic, isn’t it? He sends you here, in the middle of winter, with just a T-shirt and some short trousers.” He voice was nothing more than a whisper. The boy didn’t know how to answer. “He’s so cynic.”

The next thing he remembers was the warmth of the stranger’s house, his feet on the wooden floor, the soft lights on the living room. The way he threw a towel at him, carelessly.

“I can help you with the wings, but you’ll need to shower first.”

Junhee nodded gently.

“Okay.”

The stranger started focusing his attention on something else.

“Uh, uhm…” He muttered.

“First door at your right.” He said without looking at him.

Junhee stayed still, and there was a short silence.

“Can I know your name?”

“Shower first.”

He obeyed. The hot water stung in his bruises and the remains of his wings, which had once been big, white and majestic. He leaned his arms on the wall and let the water fall on his nape, neck and shoulders. It hurt, everything, everywhere. All he knew, all he had lived until that point had been erased, and now he was just someone else. He was something else. He was no one, he had no one apart from that man he knew nothing of. And the worst thing is that he didn’t even deserve it. He would accept all of that if he had done something wrong, but he knew he hadn’t. He didn’t betray Him, he wasn’t the one supposed to be there. He knew all of that, and it hurt even more.

“Are you finished?” He heard the voice behind the door. “It’s been half an hour.”

He turned off the water and took the towel with shaky hands, then heard the noise of the door opening. He placed the towel round his waist and got out, a bit hunched because of the pain on his back, and shivering a bit. His hair still wet and small drops falling from his chin. The man handed him a smaller towel so that he could dry it.

“Turn around.” He asked, gently. Junhee obeyed and flinched when he felt the other’s hands on his back, around the huge wounds and the bruised skin that surrounded them.

“This is going to hurt a lot.” He said. “But in the long run it will help them heal.”

“Heal? I can have them back?” He said, and the slight excitement in his voice made the stranger feel how something broke inside him.

“That’s impossible.” He said, more rough than what he originally planned. “But you’ll feel better.”

Junhee then felt some drops falling on his bruises, they felt refreshing, but at the same time they burnt. He gasped but tightened his jaw immediately, refusing to let the sound out of his mouth for some reason.

“Scream if you need to, cry if you need to.” He felt the stranger’s breath over his neck as he covered him with some bandages. Junhee placed his hands on the borders of the sink. Then he unconsciously looked up, getting to see himself on the mirror for the very first time.

He kept staring at his reflection, his eyes stopping on all his features, equally impressed and scared. His features were sharp, and his wet, black hair fell over his eyes. He was so immersed that he did not notice the other boy, he did not notice how he moved away once he had finished with the bandages. The fallen angel broke down as soon as he realised his wings were missing.

Of course they’re not here anymore.

“You’re handsome.” The man said, rubbing his back gently in a try to comfort him at least a little bit. “He must have liked you a lot before whatever you did to end up here. If he gave you this body, I mean.”

Junhee wiped away some of the tears that were starting to fall down his cheeks.

“I really don’t like this place.”

“No one does. Except humans, cause’ they don’t know anything else.”

Junhee bit his lip.

“It’s okay.” The young man said, and through the corner of his eye Junhee could see how he handed him some clothes, leaving them right next to him. “I’ll leave you alone for a moment.”

He left the room without saying anything else, and Junhee proceeded to put on his clothes. A shirt, a big sweater and some simple trousers. He then started rubbing the small towel over his hair to make it at least a bit drier.

He looked at himself in the mirror again, analysing every feature before leaving the bathroom, with both of the towels over his arms. He then walked towards the noise, hoping to find the kind stranger. There was a steaming mug on the countertop. Junhee looked at it. The man was with his back to him.

“That’s for you.” He said. “It’s warm, and it will help you with the pain.”

“How?”

“Just drink it.”

Junhee took the mug in silence and sat down.

“Can I know your name now?”

The stranger didn’t look at him.

“I guess so.” His voice was soft and a bit raspy. “I’m Donghun.”

“Donghun…” Junhee repeated and smiled a bit. It sounded comforting. “My name is Junhee.”

There was no answer. His leather jacket was then over a chair, his slim figure covered only by a long sleeve with collar. He looked delicate, Junhee thought. He could see through the fabric as it stretched over Donghun’s body. Two very big wounds just like his.

“You are an angel too.” Junhee said, a bit unsure, not knowing if he liked that or not.

“… Yeah.” He took a sip from his mug, facing him. “Well, I’m more human than angel now, I guess.”

“How long have you been in here?”

His features darkened.

“This is my tenth human year.”

Junhee froze. That was a lot.

“And I still have a whole eternity left.” He smiled, ironically.

“Do they ever stop hurting?”

“The wings?”

“Yeah.”

“The pain never goes away. Guess it’s another part of the stupid penance.” He said, resigned. “Sometimes I can still feel them in my back.”

“I can feel them too.”

“It’s normal.”

“Don’t you miss having them?”

“Sometimes. But when you get used to not having them is easier than it seems.”

Donghun pointed the mug Junhee was holding carefully.

“That will only help you with the pain, but it’s better than nothing.”

Junhee nodded and took a sip from the mug. Donghun smiled as he saw his pretty features turning into the representation of disgust.

“It tastes awful.” He said.

“Never said it tasted good.” Donghun teased him, looking at him out of the corner of his eye as he drank from his own mug. “But you’ll get used to it.”

“I hope so.” Junhee answered, his voice as thin as a thread, and a bit shaky.

“Hey, listen.” Donghun started again, looking at him. “I don’t know what anyone has told you about this but it’s not that bad. It’s way less boring than heaven, at least.”

“Is heaven boring?” Junhee asked, confused.

“Isn’t it?”

A small silence. He sure was unusual. Junhee would never describe heaven as something boring. Of course not.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“What did you do? To end up here, I mean.”

“I was tired of God.” He said, and for a moment Junhee thought he was joking, tricking him, but he sounded sincere.

“What?” Junhee sounded confused, even a bit hurt because of how real his words seemed. Donghun found it really funny, he was going to have fun with the newbie. However, his words were the absolute truth.

“Heaven just wasn’t for me, I guess.”

“But… You’re an angel. Angels are made for heaven.”

“Yeah but God’s work isn’t always perfect. There are so many other angels in here, you can’t even imagine.”

“So you left? You weren’t exiled?”

“I forced my expulsion.” A mischievous smile covering his lips.

Junhee frowned a bit, slightly confused, a small pout in his lips. He would give anything to get back to heaven, and he forced his expulsion?

“I was starting to get tired of everything. One day, I told the others about it. What I thought of heaven, what I thought of God.” He took a sip from his mug. “They were as mad as you seem right now. I just chose my words wisely and ended up here.” He said, proudly.

“Don’t you miss it?”

“That cynic bastard and his flock of sheep? Not even a bit.”

Junhee looked at the floor.

“You’re too harsh with Him.” He muttered. “He is kind and merciful.” He nodded, as if trying to convince himself of his words. “I do miss it.”

Donghun looked at him, frowning. The newbie looked like a little homesick boy, he thought.

“You don’t look like the others.” He said, taking a sit in front of him.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t look corrupted. You’re either a really good actor or... I don’t know. You still seem too good and… angelic. I guess you haven’t been here enough time but…”

 _Of course_.

“I was unfairly exuded.” He said.

Donghun chuckled.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that a lot too.”

“I’m being serious. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want to leave heaven, I never complained, I always did as I was told and followed his words.”

“So,” Donghun looked at him, out of pity “one of his lap dogs.”

“I was just committed to him and his legacy.”

“You’re just another one of his slaves.”

“I’m not a slave.”

“Not anymore, yeah.” He said playfully, and Junhee wasn’t sure he liked that guy. “Listen, I know this doesn’t seem ideal, but I can assure you freedom is way better than anything he has been promising you.”

Junhee sighed.

“I was just happy I could be helpful for him. I felt useful, and I was happy to be.”

Donghun looked at him, tenderly. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor boy. As much as he hated God, that didn’t seem to be the place for him.

“Did you really not do it?”

“I didn’t.”

“Then they’ll come back for you. For sure.” He said, unconsciously trying to comfort him, feeling guilty for his previous words. He hated God with all of his being but that poor boy didn’t deserve to be his scapegoat.

“Do you really think so?” And Donghun swore his eyes were sparkling with genuine happiness. His face had been gloomy since he first talked to him at the cafe.

“You clearly don’t belong here. They’ll eventually realise that.”

Junhee looked at him in the eyes, a bit of masked desperation in his eyes. Donghun wanted to comfort him, but words weren’t his forte.

“I hope so.”

“You just have to keep faith.” He said, mockingly, his smile disappearing behind the mug as he took another sip. Junhee frowned a bit. Then he looked around with curiosity. After that, he looked at the boy again, who was fixing his hair.

“Anyways… I guess I owe you a big one, so… Thank you.” He said. “I really don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t appeared.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“A bit, yeah. It still hurts.”

“The wings?”

“Everything, really.” He bit his lip. The corners of his mouth were trembling, he was trying not to cry again. Donghun noticed, and he approached him, rubbing his arm in an attempt to comfort him.

“Let it all out.” Donghun said. “Crying is actually really relieving. And it helps.”

Junhee wiped away the tears with his sleeves.

“It’s just… This weird feeling in my chest.” He said, leaning his elbows on the countertop.

“It’s normal.”

“From the very first moment I became conscious of where I was… I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden. Human feelings are so intense.”

“They really are. But you’ll eventually get used to them.”

“Hopefully, I won’t be here enough to get used to any of this.”

Donghun smiled slightly but didn’t say anything.

“I think you should go rest for a bit.”

“Here?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I stay here?”

“As much as you need.”

“… For real?”

“Yeah.”

There was a short silence.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Donghun said playfully.

“You aren’t that bad.”

“What? What exactly did you expect? I literally took you here, why would I kick you out now?”

“I don’t know… I thought the fallen ones were... More evil and hostile.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly how they talk about us up there, right?” Junhee nodded. “Once I heard someone saying they even had horns.” He chuckled as he remembered. “I mean, I’m a fallen angel, not the Devil himself.” He looked at him in the eyes, as the newbie sipped from his cup.

“Well, you’re clearly not a saint.”

Donghun chuckled, pleased with his response. He leaned on the palm of his hand, a slight, mischievous smile on his face.

“Not everything has to be black or white, Junhee.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But that’s your name, Junhee.”

“Well, I don’t like it, Donghun.” The so called Junhee replied, emphasizing his name.

Donghun looked at the brunette, frowning a bit, thinking.

“What about Jun?”

“Jun?”

“Yeah, just Jun.”

He thought about it for a bit.

“Say it again.”

“Jun.”

It sounded really good in his voice.

Simple, neat, sweet. Gentle.

“That’s alright, I guess.”

“Then you’ll be Jun.”

Junhee smiled softly, pleased and surprisingly comfortable with the presence of the other man.

“How should I call you?”

“Me?”

Junhee nodded, his eyes had little sparkles inside them and Donghun looked away, overwhelmed by the happiness they exude, all of a sudden.

“Just Donghun is fine, I like it.”

“Okay.” He said, softly, with a gentle smile spreading across his face.

Strangely, that was the most comfortable and happy Donghun had felt in a while.


	2. Not that bad

Donghun hated God. He hated him and all he stood for, everything he represented. Getting out of heaven was an easy task, so easy, all he had to do was speak up. But his first years on the human world were hard and difficult. The first thing he remembers was being thrown to the floor aggressively. His whole body hurt like crazy and the pain on his back made him shrink. It was spring, and he was wearing a T-shirt and some trousers, but when he recovered consciousness, he was drenched in sweat and trembling. His head hurt and he was starting to get dizzy. He stopped walking for a bit and sat down on the floor, with his back against the nearest building.

The next thing he remembers is the strong pain in his stomach, on his face, the taste of blood in his mouth as those strangers kicked him everywhere while he was laying on the floor. He remembers how his body relaxed immediately as he saw them leave through the corner of his eye. He remembers how everything went black. He remembers the pain as soon as he woke up and tried to move a bit, and how the tears fell on the pavement as he tried to get up from the floor. He remembers himself sobbing with his forehead on the floor. He remembers screaming at the top of his lungs, out of pure frustration.

But no one came to help.

Even after all of that, he didn’t miss heaven in the slightest. All those feelings, the cold, the pain, the lump in his throat. For some reason, he didn’t mind any of those, because they were signs of liberty. They were a sign that he wouldn’t have to serve God anymore.

His first nights on earth, he spent them sleeping on benches and didn’t even think about eating. Hunger was something new to him, and it was certainly unpleasant, but he didn’t feel the need to do anything about it. Then it became so unbearable he had no other choice but to find something to eat.

He didn’t want to do it, but eventually, as different necessities appeared, he started stealing. Always small shops, but he didn’t abuse, he just took enough to calm his stomach. He felt bad every single time, remorse filling his head as he got out of the shop. He supposed that it was just another common human reaction, but guilt felt even worse than hunger, and he hated it.

Sometimes, while he laid on the streets, people would put a coin or two on his hand, even when he didn’t even ask for it.

_Wow I must look like pure shit right now._

That’s all he could think about. But he discovered the power of his miserable appearance, and he used it for his own benefit.

He put all those coins in his pockets, and patiently waited until he had a fairly amount. After a couple of months, he slept on a bed for the very first time. He let out a gasp. It wasn’t the best mattress in the world, but it was way better than a bench.

That was the night he got to see himself in the mirror for the first time.

 _Well, that explains a lot,_ he thought, _I do look like shit._

He had huge bags under his eyes, his eyes looked sad and tired and his dry plump lips had several deep cuts. His hair fell over his eyes, spikes sticking in all directions. He had a shower, and he was finally able to remove all the dirt and blood from his body. He then immediately went to bed. The big wounds on his back were driving him crazy but the warmth he felt under the bed sheets, the comfort of the mattress… He felt like crying.

_Are humans supposed to be this emotional? Damn it._

He was exhausted and could feel his body numbing under the warmth of the sheets, his hands trembling, struggling as he wiped away the tears that started appearing in his eyes.

The next day, he went to the pharmacy and bought bandages and alcohol, hoping that would do something. It hurt a lot, and he was sure other people could hear him screaming and crying out of pain from their bedrooms, but he didn’t care in the slightest.

The following day, he cut his own hair to make sure it didn’t bother him or his eyesight anymore. A cut here, a cut there, until his forehead was free from his dark brown hair. He didn’t know whether it looked bad or good, but it sure was comfortable, and that was all he cared about.

After that, he started trying to put his new, human life in order. He spent some days at the guesthouse, using the money he had been saving, and he started looking for a job. He applied for some, dressed fancily with clothes he had either stolen or found in the trash. The interviews confused him with questions he wasn’t able to answer, but after failing several times, random job opportunities started popping, and he accepted as many as he could handle, even if they were not fair or completely legal. He didn’t care, as long as he could get paid for it.

He never got into too troublesome jobs, though. He knew which things were considered bad or immoral by humans and which were considered good, so he tried to be guided by it. He didn’t want to stand out.

Eventually, when he had enough money and a fixed place to stay, somewhere to call home or, at least, house, he returned to the shops he had been stealing in and he handed extra money for the products he bought, to compensate for what he had stolen in the past.

“You forget the change, young man.” The old, kind-looking woman who was smiling at him behind the counter told him.

“You can keep it.”

“No way, it’s too much.” She said, putting the coins and the note on his hand. Donghun took the woman’s hand gently and returned them slowly.

“I really don’t need them.” He said, and immediately left the shop, ashamed, scared the woman would ask him why he had given her that amount of money. He really didn’t want to answer that.

As time passed, he started meeting people, he went to clubs, he got drunk, he discovered sex. His colleagues were nice enough, and even though sometimes he couldn’t stand them, hanging out with them made him feel free, alive and, he always told himself, happy.

It made him feel human.

But as he watched people in the streets, couples on their way back home, friends teasing each other, he could feel the void. That emptiness he wasn’t sure people around him would ever be able to fill.

He was a human, but there was no place for him in that world. He didn’t really belong there, he thought, so it was normal.

_I’m human now, right?_

He owned a human body, he had strong, painful human feelings, he had human necessities, he was surrounded by humans. He was a human, but he couldn’t help but feel distant from everyone, from everything. For some reason, he wanted to fit in so badly, but he couldn’t.

But, if he didn’t belong in Heaven, nor in earth, then what exactly was his place? Where was it? Did he belong anywhere at all? Was that God’s punishment? Or was it just his fate? Was he that bad? Did he deserve that? What is that constant pressure in his chest?

Donghun usually drowned all those questions in a beer bottle. Sometimes, more than one, as he lied on the sofa with the gloomiest expression on his face. Sex was also another way of escape. He was desperate to get rid of that sense of loneliness, he craved company, but even doing that, whoever he went to bed with was not there when he woke up. He had entered his bedroom with many, both men and women. That didn’t fill the emptiness, it never did, but he refused to believe it didn’t.

_Fuck._

He bit his lip tightly and sat up, brushing his hair with his hands, his eyes closed, but fighting to open up.

 _Maybe this is just how things will go from now on,_ he thought, looking at the ceiling. _Is this why some humans get sad?_

He wrapped his arms around his legs, still covered by the thin sheets, and leaned his head on his knees. He looked at the window, the Sun wasn’t up, but he doubted he would be able to go back to sleep.

He had way more than what he had months ago, when he arrived. He had a house, a job, he had some people he could rely on. But he felt even worse. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t have to fight for anything anymore. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t spend days meticulously calculating how much money he would have to earn to sleep on a proper bed for a couple of days. Maybe it was just him.

Maybe he was just meant to be alone.

Maybe that was also part of his penance.

One way or another, it hurt, and it was a pain Donghun knew it wouldn’t be easy to erase. And that’s what scared him the most.

After a year on earth, he cried again. Not in the streets, not on the floor with his dirty, thin clothes, not with his feet bleeding and an empty stomach. But it hurt way more. And for some days the unbearable pain on his back was nothing compared to the pressure on his chest. For a couple of days he couldn’t even get out of bed.

For the following two years he just learnt how to live with it. He learnt how to live with that pressure on his chest, he learned how to be alone without feeling miserable, or at least he tried.

The next years flied by, Donghun tried to eliminate that emptiness and his habits became worse. When he was not at work, he was drinking, hanging out or inviting people over to make the loneliness disappear, even if it was only for one night, with a stranger’s skin against his own. He didn’t care, as long as he could trick his heart so that his chest would stop hurting. His group of friends was not the worse, but it certainly wasn’t the best, and they dragged him even more into the well he had put himself into. He never felt like he had reached top bottom, but he definitely had, a long time ago. All the bad habits he slowly adopted just made him feel he hadn’t.

“Donghun?” Junhee’s voice sounded familiar, and broke the wave of memories that were tormenting him. Donghun looked at the fragile, porcelain-looking boy in front of him, holding a cup of the steaming remedy he had prepared for him. One of his shoulders was showing, because Donghun’s oversized clothes were too big for his slim, delicate body. Junhee could feel something had changed inside Donghun’s sad, tormented eyes. Donghun realised the bruise on his shoulder, its dark colour sticking out of the bandages.

_It’s extending. He won’t be able to move for a couple of days._

He frowned.

_He has to leave._

That’s all he could think about. He looked at the time and sighed.

“I’m sorry.” Donghun said, the words leaving his mouth slowly. “I have to go to work now, but I’ll be back in a few hours.”

The boy smiled warmly and nodded. Donghun’s heart was aching.

“There’s food in the fridge if you’re hungry.” He pointed it, just in case. “Do you know how to use a microwave?”

“A… A _microwhat_?”

Donghun sighed.

“Nevermind.” He took his coat and put it on in a gracious move. “Just… Don’t touch anything, okay? I’ll be back.”

“Okay.” He was smiling again, but his eyes still looked lost and tired. Donghun tightened his jaw.

_I don’t want to see him breaking like I did._

Donghun left behind the door without a goodbye.

_Please._

He got out of the building and looked up to the sky.

_I deserved it, he clearly doesn’t. I’ve seen enough fallen angels to know he doesn’t belong here. A soul like his… This isn’t the place for it. You should fucking know that better than anyone._

_Who knows what could have happened to him if I hadn’t found him._ That’s all he could think about. All that loneliness, the pressure on his chest, the pain in every inch of his body. He clearly didn’t need to get so worried about a boy he didn’t know at all, yet he couldn’t help but feel like he had to look after him. No one did that for him when he first arrived, but he would do that for Junhee. He didn’t know why, but he was determined to do so.

_You better come to get him back._

Because, somehow, Junhee reminded him of himself. The delicate silhouette of the new arrival, the bruises, the lifeless gaze. All that was familiar to him, because that’s exactly how he looked like when he looked at himself in the mirror for the very first time. He had an opportunity to make it a bit easier for him, so he would do it.

 

*  *  *

 

Donghun opened the door of his flat and looked around.

“I’m here.” He said, without any enthusiasm. He was tired from work and the sun was already going down. He closed the door behind him and walked towards the kitchen, where Junhee was when he left. “Jun?”

He looked in his bedroom and in the bathroom. Nothing. He then went to the living room, finding Junhee, huddling on the sofa, a sad, yet relaxed expression deforming his features, his eyes closed, his eyelashes gently resting on the top of his cheeks. He was sleeping and his body was relaxed, but his knees pulled to his chest, which made Donghun’s hurt sank. He was going to say something to wake him up, but closed his mouth shut immediately. He grabbed a blanket and placed it carefully over the boy’s hunched body, taking a look at his neck and partially naked shoulder. The bruise was extending.

 _He’s lucky he could put himself to sleep in this condition,_ he thought. A slight, yet palpable pressure in his chest as he saw the thin lines the tears had formed over his face. Some of them had reached the sofa, forming a small stain in the fabric, with his cheek pressed against it. He couldn’t do anything about it, but he prepared a hot water bottle and placed it carefully on his back. That worked when he had to go through the same, even though he had to endure the strong pains of the first days on his own.

_The damn penance, as if being sent here with no help whatsoever wasn’t enough._

He clicked his tongue, suddenly pissed with God again. Was he ever not pissed with him, though?

_That stupid bastard._

He clicked his tongue again and walked towards the kitchen, then prepared something to eat. More quantity than usual, so that Junhee could have some once he woke up. He also prepared some more of the remedy, anticipating that Junhee would need it sooner or later. He took a sit on the kitchen isle and started eating, with the raindrops starting to crash against the window. He sighed, a bit lost and doubtful. That feeling of emptiness again filling his chest again, as he started eating. He sighed again and turned on a cigarette.

He should already be used to that kind of feeling, but he doubted he would ever be. He gave the cigarette a drag and walked to the fridge, taking out one of the many bear bottles that were inside it. He then heard a soft groan coming from the sofa. He saw Junhee trying to sit up, his back arched due to the intense pain and a contained expression of discomfort.

Donghun put the bear bottle back into its place and gave another drag to his stick, just to ditch it seconds later and walk towards the sofa, taking a seat next to the fragile-looking boy.

“You alright?” He said with a soft voice, placing a hand on his lower back. He could feel his body trembling under his hand.

“It hurts.” He muttered. “I can’t even move properly.”

“That’s normal.” He whispered, unconsciously, trying to calm him down.  “It’ll last a few days.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to take it.”

“You will.” He stood up. “You have no choice.”

Junhee looked up at him. Donghun could not look at him for too long, as the sharp, yet soft eyes looked at him with pain. He messed up the newbie’s hair.

“I’ll go prepare some more remedy. And maybe I have some painkillers left.” He said softly. “Are you hungry?”

“A bit.” He held into his sweater. “I think.” He sighed, and Donghun could hear the sounds coming from Junhee’s stomach. “I’m sorry, I…” He placed both hands over his face, frustrated. “I just feel so… weird. Like a complete different… person.” He said, desolation clear in his voice as the last word escaped his lips.

That was right, he was a person now.

“I know. You’ll eventually figure it out.”

“Do you think so?”

“I do.”

“Did you manage to figure it out?”

“What?”

“Your new self, your identity as a human, the human world.”

“I’ve had plenty of time to do so.”

There was a short silence.

“But, have you?”

Another silence, way heavier and sharper than the previous one.

 “More or less.” He looked at the window. “And I’m sure you will, too.”

“I hope so.”

“You just have to be patient.”

Junhee sighed.

“I know you just want to get out of here, Jun. I get it, I really do.” Donghun started talking softly. “But until He decides to correct his mistake, you’ll have to get used to what you have and pray.”

Junhee nodded.

“I will help you in the process.”

Junhee looked at him with sad eyes, a small, almost invisible smile on his lips. He leaned on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

Maybe fallen angels weren’t that bad after all.


End file.
